Hate Mail

Before coming on board at Black20, I was a featured writer on CollegeHumor.com. I once posted an article called "Your Bartender's Inner Monologue" which generated a lot of heat.

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730737

I got my first piece of hate mail. Enjoy.

Subject: your bartender article
From: nate

wow your as dumb as you are ugly, and it shows why a stupid cunt like you can't get a drink at a bar. did some bartender fuck you because he was bored and then not call you back??? lol I'm sure that every bar you go to the bartenders make fun of you and then completely fuck you on alcohol in your cosmo or mojito because you and you're friends are the dumbest cunts there...oh yeah here is what's going on in your bartenders head:
10 ways to stay on a bartender's good side

1. Wait patiently. Don't snap, whistle, wave money, tap your glass on the bar or scream "Hey, bartender!" when he obviously knows you are there.

2. Always tip at least $1 per drink. If you tip really well you may find yourself receiving some free drinks. Tip for those, too.

3. Keep your hands out of the cocktail tray. If you want a cherry, ask. Putting your hands into the garnish contaminates everyone else's drink.

4. "Please" and "thank you" are common courtesies.

5. If there are two bartenders, never order your drink from both to see who makes it first. Few bartenders will let you "return" a drink.

6. Don't act drunk and over-animated. By law, bartenders are not supposed to serve you when you are thoroughly inebriated.

7. Don't walk into a bar right before last call and order complicated drinks. This may be the No. 1 pet peeve of bartenders.

8. Always know what is in a drink if it is an obscure one. The bartender may make it if you know the recipe.

9. Don't ask the bartender to "stiffen" your drink. It is rare that a bartender will under-pour the booze in your cocktail. If you want more, ask for a double.

10. If you can't be with the drink you love, baby, drink the one you're with. Try not to order one of the drinks bartenders hate to make when the bar is busy. Either go somewhere else, or be satisfied with something simpler.