Matthew Perry/ Jason Priestly

I saw an ad on the subway the other day for Jason Priestly's new show "Side Order of Life", and I couldn't help but notice how much Jason Priestly looks like Matthew Perry. If they were enemies, then these would be the emails they'd send each other...

Matthew,
I don't like you and you don't like me so I'll make this short. Stop looking like me! Stop it! I know you're doing it on purpose, and it's fucking pissing me off. Why don't you do the world a favor and get a new look. I hear Steve Buscemi wants a dobbleganger.
Go fuck yourself,
Luke


Dear Crapson Priestly,
Wow, Jason, wow... I would just like to point out that you and I haven't spoken since you "accidentally" spilled artichoke dip on my sports jacket at Jennie Garth's 43rd birthday party, so if this is your idea of how to break the ice, then you are a fucking lunatic moron.

I will NOT get another look. I will NOT change my image because some washed up mambo (that's male bimbo, FYI) gets pissy cause every time he gets stopped for an autograph people think he's me.

Oh, and PS. Side Order of Life? Might I recommend a side order of Acting School.

My best to Naomi,
Matthew



Matthew...
Cold. Real cold... But I should have expected that from the man who is the human incarnation of all that is unholy. Look... I'm not asking you to give up acting... I'm just asking you to look a little different than me. Why not put your "Friends" weight back on??
Luke

Hmm, your use of elipses moves me... I will gain weight... on one condition....


What, what is it? I'll do anything. Name your price.

Feed me.


Feed you? What are you talking about?!


I think you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. This is how shit gets done in this town. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours... and it's no secret that I love the tastes of human flesh. Give me your child and I'll give you your career.


Matthew, I'm not sure I can... I mean, Naomi really loves our child.


Quid Pro Quo, Clarise.


(Sign.) Very well.